I went alone. I find this requires less explanation than people assume it does, and considerably less than they offer.
The hotel had a wellness programme. I know this because it was mentioned in the confirmation email, in the welcome pack, and by the man at reception who asked if I would like to book in for the sound bath on Thursday. I said I would think about it. I did not think about it. The sound bath ran from six to seven on Thursday evening, which is when I was on the terrace reading something I had promised myself I would not read until I got back, which I read, because I am how I am.
There were people doing yoga on the lower terrace at seven in the morning. I observed this from my terrace with a coffee and what I can only describe as a spectator's interest. They looked peaceful. They also looked cold. These two things were not unrelated, in my view, but I kept this view to myself because I was on holiday and had committed to being non-confrontational about other people's choices for the full seven days.
I managed five.
I packed Leda The Swan in my washbag alongside the SPF and the good conditioner. Not the conditioner I usually use — the one I keep for when I'm going somewhere. I made this distinction without thinking about it, which tells you something about the category I've put Leda in. You bring the good things when you go somewhere. This is not a philosophy. It is simply how packing works.
I checked my emails before breakfast every day. I want to be clear that I took a week off. These two facts coexist without contradiction, in my view, and I am not interested in other views on the matter.
On the fourth evening I used Leda The Swan.
It has two motors, both independent, both running simultaneously. The warming is the feature nobody describes accurately because it resists accurate description — it heats to body temperature and holds it, and at that point your body stops distinguishing between the warmth and itself. The accumulated weight of the previous eleven months simply stopped. Not gradually. Not with effort. Not via a sound bath on Thursday at six. Just: stopped. The way a sound stops when a door closes properly.
The fifth evening I used it again. The sixth was the best evening of the holiday. I am noting the sequence and drawing no conclusions from it, in the same spirit in which I am noting that the yoga people were gone by day five and the lower terrace was considerably more pleasant as a result.
I have since used it on thirteen subsequent evenings since returning, because it turns out the accumulated weight of a working year is a recurring condition and not a one-time problem, and having the correct solution to a recurring condition is not an indulgence. It is simply practical. Like bringing the good conditioner.
I did not book the sound bath. I have no regrets about this.
£130. Two independent motors. Both running simultaneously. The warming is the feature. Sixty days — guaranteed orgasm or your money back. The sound bath was £45 and I cannot tell you what it delivered because I was on the terrace. — Charlie
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